You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
