dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
