dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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