i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
