My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
