she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
