Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
