Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
