Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
