So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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