i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish there were birth control emojis
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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