i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
