Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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