When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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