Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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