If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
