I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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