There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
