And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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