Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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