this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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