god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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