This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
