I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
