he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
