Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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