how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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