she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Couch. On fire.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
