Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize