Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
