And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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