tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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