bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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