I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
