I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
