so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
