im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Too much gin, very little bucket
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
