We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
