so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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