He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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