i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
