first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
