he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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