You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
