I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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