Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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