everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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