He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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