Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
