i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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