i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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