You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
