I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
