Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
