Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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