Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
