you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
