can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
