Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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