I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
