i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
