walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
