non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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