If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
