All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
