??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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