just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
