very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
