Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
