Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We need a shit load of segways right now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
