Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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