margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
