how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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