I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there's paper in my vomit.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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