id be glad to
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
