Having a random hookup so left but love u
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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