arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
