Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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