Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
