The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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