Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
