she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
