my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
