You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
