i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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