I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
