I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
