I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
