we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
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Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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