So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Less talking, more tequila
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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